Sex, Death, and Squirting

I started ejaculating. My friend died. I wrote a novel. I learned to make perfume.

And I’m still sitting here wondering how to write. How to write about sex and death and squirting. Writing never comes easy to me, even when something flows simply and freely. Writing is putting words out there, outside the safe confines of myself, and when you write those words are no longer a part of you. Not anymore. There is something to be said of people who have the courage to share their stories.

Sex, Death, and Squirting Personal Essay Images

I’m not always that person. I don’t like writing about myself unless I’m really writing about something else. And in the midst of all these things (the sex, the death, and the squirting) I’m facing this fact. That this is not the type of work I really want to do or really set out to do. Or at least all the time.

Because I have stories that I do not tell. Stories that I can’t let outside of myself, not necessarily because I am ashamed or afraid or haven’t risen to a certain higher consciousness. Sometimes because I know they won’t be understood. These stories are so organic to me. They lay roots in me. Sometimes it just hurts too much to uproot them.

I’m finally understanding that that’s ok.

Coming out, for example, is a narrative not all of us are afforded. I do not tell my coming out story. But, when I came out “again,” I did so hesitantly like I was peeking out between curtains before opening a door. I didn’t do so alone. I did it alongside this friend. This friend who was here and now isn’t. Together we tried to claw our way out of the claustrophobic blue collar limitations we were born into and tried all the more to imagine a future. There’s a certain type of violence in becoming — in moving and changing towards a self that feels real or true. We clawed and clawed our way out of the boxes we had been thrown into and out to a new understanding of ourselves. Sometimes our sharp edges found each other.

I was formed by the life of a friend who isn’t here anymore. I wonder how often we limit our conversations about sex and death. We usually talk about partners. The world seems obsessed with partners and romance and the confines of particular relationships. But so much of my sexuality was developed alongside, without directly physically contacting, someone else.

And here I am sitting and writing. Trying to think about how to describe this shift that I’ve undergone. Ways I am now that I wasn’t so shortly ago, and now am. Why is that?

How do we describe a relationship? How can I make a story out of what now only belongs to me and memory of you and I and you are no longer here? How do I make that legible? Should I?

A relationship that was once here and now isn’t.

The lines I found under my eyes the day after I found out he was dead. I swore on my life they weren’t there before.

My body now ejaculating, as if it always had. Nonchalantly, this power that was there maybe and now I see clearly. Easily.

These parts (so many!) of me that I neglected, that I left unfinished.  A stack of issues 8 years high. Was it always there?

Well, yes and no.

Different. It felt like all at once everything was inverse. Backwards. Suddenly, I didn’t have my body figured out. Suddenly, I didn’t know how to grieve or what to do with the mountains and mountains of things that I have not dealt with. Suddenly, I needed to reorient myself to my body, to others, to my writing.  I see that I got lost trying to be a writer that I am not. That I prescribed a bit too freely to a sex-positive paradigm that I will always be skeptical of.


And my body. Different too.

If you had told me that slowing down would have been the thing to help me ejaculate, I would have laughed at you. And now I’m embarrassed that I would have laughed. Because I see how silly I’d been. I was really attached to the books and the information and the outside knowledge. So much so, that I put myself, my body, my experiences second.

Sex, Death, and Squirting Essay Image

I had it figured out! (I thought) I know and claim how I like to have sex (rough and fast and as hard as humanly possible). Isn’t it great to have it all figured out?

I came to know how much I enjoy slow, deep strokes. Maybe it’s because I don’t have that so much outside my sexual relationship myself.

So, quietly I retraced the contours of my desire, my response, my pleasure. The darker parts, too. Loss, the pain of becoming, and the necessity of becoming over and over again.

I’ve been thinking about that loss and that change. I’ve been trying to just write. And writing doesn’t come easy. But when I confronted the fact that I might always feel like shit when I write (especially when I write about sex and that is my chosen field), that I may always face my childhood fears of rejection and humiliation around writing and sex, I learned that I could write about four thousand words a day.

For now, I’m not going to requesting any new toys for a while. I will, however, be finishing the ones I have still do (sorry people) and I will continue and push myself to write book reviews, but I want to follow the impulse I’ve been having for awhile which is that I want do the type of writing that scares me. Honestly, I feel buried under a pile of dildos, and there is a lot of writing just sitting in my head waiting to be put outside of myself here.

Stories that I am ready to uproot.

What this sex and death and squirting has shown me is that I want to create more and respond less. I want to melt back into my gushy, lofty, ambitious dreams, and especially for where I want to go as a blogger. There was a perfect storm to remind me, quite literally, that I need to slow down. To let me know that I was barreling over sensation instead of reveling in it.

When I arrived at the storm of sex and death and squirting, I realized I wasn’t be honest with myself. There is still a lot to do.



LELO Ina Wave Rabbit Vibrator Review

I didn’t want the Ina Wave until I held it in my hands. Holding it, my fingers clenched around its moving shaft, I wondered: how would this feel though?


Then, I met a woman who had tried it and the look in her eye told me everything I needed to know: it was time to test this toy.

Luckily, the good folks at LELO sent me one to review here on Peep’s Scoop. Lovely.

But, wait, what is the LELO Ina Wave and what is it supposed to do?

The Ina Wave  is a rabbit vibrator with a curved internal shaft and an external arm to stimulate the clitoris. It comes in babely blue, which I can’t get enough of (and also bright pink and purple). Each Ina Wave arrives with its charger, warranty card, black satin storage pouch, and a sample of LELO’s water based lube.

Now, I do not have an original Ina, but from what I’ve heard and gathered from the fit of the Wave, this rabbit fits snugly on the body.


The Ina Wave is a tight fit, not just for me, but for a lot of bodies. What’s awesome about that? Well, it means you get the sensation of pressure on the clit, which is an extreme rarity for a dual stimulator. I have rather plump labia, so the arm naturally rests to the left or right side of my clitoris though I can adjust it directly over the hood, as well. A fit like this is not so awesome if you don’t have a thing for pressure on your vulva.

The conceit of the Ina Wave is this: the shaft curls back and forth in a “come hither motion.” The box describes it as “plunging”—-and it does kind of feel like that. It rocks back and forth inside my body. The clitoral arm moves too, which sounds annoying, but actually feels really good. The vibration never leaves my clit, the pressure just increases and decreases with the motion of the shaft.

Unlike older LELO toys which usually have a plastic handle, the Ina Wave is covered head to toe in silky, medical grade silicone. It’s 100% waterproof and rechargeable. LELO also added a much desired “kill switch,” you can press the center button to turn it on or off. When you want to shut it completely off you can do that easily with one quick press.


The controls, however, are far less easy to manuever than the ones on the Mona 2. They’re less intuitive, meaning I have to think about where my hand is and the buttons I’m trying to  press, whereas with the Mona 2 it’s so easy I don’t even have to think about it. I love the kill switch, but it took me a concerningly long time to figure out how to manipulate the functions on this toy.

What’s nice, though, is that it remembers where you left off. So if you have a favorite setting (I do: internal  vibration off, clit vibration and wave function on full speed), it will start at that setting every time you turn it on. Its battery is long lasting, which I really appreciate, and it doesn’t take super long to charge.

But, before I go any further, there are a couple of super crucial things you need to know about this toy.

Ina Wave Rabbit Vibrator Review Packaging Image

1. It’s slow.

This slowness ranges from a Tantra-slow-burn “mmmmm yeah”  to a  frustrating “Could you just go a LITTLE FASTER?!?!?!?!” (A little later I’ll describe why what some see as its biggest fault was the reason for my adoration).

2. It’s loud.

It produces a noise I once likened to a tiny factory of pixies inside it running on wheels to make it go.  It’s not loud in the way a plug-in wand vibrator is loud. It’s more of a high-pitched, teeth chattering noise.

Whew, ok, got it? It’s slower than you think and also loud. .

My Experience with the Ina Wave

This toy. Ok. I love the Ina Wave. This isn’t the first time a $200 luxury toy has made my vag swoon, but the Ina Wave does it for me. A lot of bloggers were (and are) skeptical of the Wave line and I’d almost feel silly for loving it as much as I do, if it hadn’t made me ejaculate.

I’m not sugarcoating. My honest experience is that this stimulation builds slowly and deliciously until I practically erupt in orgasm. Will you experience this though? I can’t say that for sure, this is only my experience.

Basically, the Ina Wave feels like it folds into my G-Spot. It’s a sensation of pressure—like it’s wrapping into my G-Spot, meanwhile the clitoral arm massages my labia and clitoral legs. Though I haven’t tried the Mona Wave, the combination of the two sensations, I would think, set the Ina Wave apart.


Does it feel like getting fingered?

No, not to me anyway. The shaft is wide and bulbous which allows it to apply more pressure and help me feel more full. Then again, fingers on my G-Spot haven’t ever really done that much for me.

If I’m totally honest this toy’s greatest fault to some (its slowness) is what does me in. It got me to slow down, revel in sensation, and then explode in blended orgasm. Is it hyperbolic marketing? Yes. Did it actually happen? A’yep.

The vibration is rumbly, but not deep or muted. I honestly didn’t think that I would be able to orgasm with it alone. I thought I would have to use another toy to add more intense vibration. But, I was wrong.

And slightly perplexed. The Ina Wave seemed like it would be a stretch to work well with my body and yet, I have mind-blowing orgasms with it nearly every time. It was the first toy I squirted with….but again this is my one experience. I would never tell you that it would make you do that too because I can’t know that.

I think my G-Spot is a mutant.

I usually recommend two different toys over a rabbit vibrator and yet the Ina Wave is one of my favorite vibrators that I’ve ever tested. It’s perfect for lazy Sundays, I just hold it there and it does everything for me.

The Takeaway

Is it worth $200? I don’t know how to answer that, but when I look at other toys in that category, I say that it fits in. I understand that this makes it inaccessible to some, but it doesn’t ruffle my feathers any more than any other toy being that expensive.

I don’t think it’s worth breaking the bank over, but that’s true of all toys too.

My review is this: I love using the Ina Wave, I like how it folds into my G-Spot slowly and pulls me over the orgasmic edge, I ejaculated for the first time with it and it was awesome. It’s expensive and loud, but it’s 100% waterproof, rechargeable, and it comes with a warranty. I have a feeling it will make my favorite toys of 2015 list.

Sound like the Ina Wave might work for you? Scoop one up from LELO here .


Ina Wave Rabbit Vibrator Pros and Cons Image



Lelo sent me the Ina Wave in exchange for my honest review. Thanks, Lelo! Check out their entire line of luxury toys.

Affiliate links are used throughout.


E Lust #72

An Erotic Adventure Image
Photo courtesy of Tabitha Rayne

Welcome to Elust #72

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #73? Start with the rules, come back August 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!


~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Invisible Pride: Bi Erasure
Disabled Gentleman

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Erotic Fiction: “Passerby”
Overcoming resistance

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

#AskELJames: The Poignant & Profitable Martyrdom of E.L. James

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days.

Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!


HedoVibes Review & Giveaway Round Up #100

Fifty-Shades-of-Grey-Delicious-Pleasure-Silicone-Ben-Wa-Balls-Review-2Photo courtesy of Princess Previews

Welcome to HedoVibes, a collection of reviews and giveaways that were posted in the past week or so from around the web. This is a collection of adult product reviews & contests from real reviewers. If you want to be included in the next edition start with the guidelines, then use the submission form.

Want to read more reviews? Check out HedoVibes for a list of the latest reviews and stellar reviewers. You can also follow on twitter for the latest round ups. HedoVibes is also accepting photo submissions for each edition.















Review: Bad Dragon Apollo the Chimera

Bad Dragon Apollo the Chimera Review PhotoApollo the Chimera from Bad Dragon seems to have a personality all its own. Covered in quirky texture, I don’t know why but it always seems in a happy mood. I’m not one for humanizing sex toys—but there’s something sweet, endearing, and maybe a little odd about the design.

What is the Apollo the Chimera and what is it supposed to do?

Apollo comes in variety of sizes, but as with the majority of Bad Dragon toys, even the small is bigger than what I would consider “average size.”  I think of myself as a size queen, and even I went with the small.

Bad Dragon Apollo the Chimera Product Details Review Image

One of the reasons I like Bad Dragon is that all aspects of their toys are customizable. You select the size, firmness, and color of the toy to suit your own fancy. My Apollo is a small in size, split-wide (a “soft” shaft with a “firm” base to make it easy to grip), and customized completely in color. This gives you tons of options to play around with and get something that’s right for you.

As always, I want to remind you to take your time and be fully honest about your orfice’s capacity to accomodate large hunks of silicone. Bad Dragon, like many companies, does not accept returns if you accidentally get something huge. So while, using my own standards, i would say I could handle a large toy, I cannot, just cannot, handle a large Bad Dragon toy. So, don’t just select a medium because it sounds promising, look long and hard at it next to that pop can.


I was really impressed by how vivd my color choices turned out. BD employees compared it to superman, I think it’s kind of like a swirled, raspberry lollipop. This was my first time customizing a toy’s color completely and I love how it turned out. If you’d like one just like mine, I’ve created a screen shot that you can follow to get this awesome blue raspberry swirl fade.

My Experience with the Apollo

Apollo the Chimera is not for everyone. That’s what I thought when I put it inside myself for the first time. The small size was incredibly manageable for me, but we need to talk about the knot. So, at the base of this toy is knot that is considerably girthier than the rest of the toy. A hefty two inches in diameter, to be exact.

I actually like the knot, but it’s a different sensation that I’m not sure just every one would enjoy. The Apollo’s knot provides a crazy, intense stretching sensation towards my vaginal entrance. I own a lot of dildos that gradually get bigger towards the base (they often end up on my favorites list). With the Apollo (or any Bad Dragon Toy with a knot)  there is nothing gradual about the stretching sensation. Like someone asking you to move in a month into a relationship, the knot comes up on you fast as either a wonderful or disastrous surprise, depending on where you’re at in life.

apollo-the-chimera-bad-dragon-sex-toy-review-imageIn my experience, I enjoy how different the sensation is. I liked its intensity, coupled with lots of the delicious texture I’ve come to expect from Bad Dragon toys. One of the things that helped was that I went with the soft firmness. Because the toy was softer—-it’s stretchy and soft but firm enough to keep the texture and stand up straight—I could take the knot because it wasn’t extremely rigid.

The base on the Apollo is small and fits into my palm and I don’t have trouble thrusting if I have plenty of lube. Its weird head is probably my favorite feature. It looks like a drill bit or, according to my partner, those squishy footballs from the 90s that throw perfect spirals every time. It’s squishy with lots of texture. Its grooves jostle my G-Spot around and the neatly defined scales down the back stroke my perineal sponge.


Color 1: 2C4663, Color 2: E01040, Color 3: 19E8E8

The Takeaway

I like the unique sensations the Apollo gives me. While I don’t think it’s the toy for everyone, I do think might be great for experienced folks who are looking for something different, something challenging to add to their collection.

Bad Dragon Apollo the Chimera Pros and Cons Review Image

Bad Dragon sent me Apollo the Chimera in exchange for my honest review. Thanks, Bad Dragon! You can check out all of their products here.


HedoVibes Review & Giveaway Round Up #98

IMG_4331Photo courtesy of dizzygirl

Welcome to HedoVibes, a collection of reviews and giveaways that were posted in the past week or so from around the web. This is a collection of adult product reviews & contests from real reviewers. If you want to be included in the next edition start with the guidelines, then use the submission form.

Want to read more reviews? Check out HedoVibes for a list of the latest reviews and stellar reviewers. You can also follow on twitter for the latest round ups. HedoVibes is also accepting photo submissions for each edition.










Review: The VixSkin Mustang from Vixen Creations

If, god forbid, I was only allowed one dildo for the rest of my life, there’s a good chance I might pick the VixSkin Mustang.

VixSkin Mustang Review Image

But I’m shuddering at the thought, so I’ll move on.

The Mustang is something of a hallowed object in the world of sex toy reviewers. When this toy arrived at my door, I proclaimed it the day a dildo dream came true. A dildo dream, indeed. After using it, I found the Mustang is clearly a wish your vag makes.

Slightly curved and deliciously squishy, it’s no wonder to me why this toy is so popular. It feels luxurious to the touch and its moderate size makes it easy to recommend. This toy was everything I had heard and more.

What is the Mustang and what is it supposed to do?

The VixSkin Mustang is a dual density dildo from Vixen Creations. What does that mean, exactly? Well, it has a firm inner core and squishy plush outer layer. VixSkin, Vixen Creations’ dual density silicone, has a life-like quality to it and a realistic appeal. It’s soft, but incredibly durable. This is a quality dildo.

VixSkin Mustang Dildo Review Product Details Image

I need to talk about this Tie Bright color option for a second. I just…it’s so….I want every sex toy in this color. It’s the perfect combination of funky and glamorous. Each Mustang in this color option is unique and different, but each is covered in splashes of fuchsia, blue, orange, and purple.

Even smothered in swaths of neon, it  still has a realistic shape and texture. It features a pushed-back foreskin, supple coronal ridge, and veins along the shaft. It comes in realistic tones as well, if that’s more your thing.

The Mustang has a pearly white suction cup base. It’s harness compatible and safe for butts. It’s easy to grip and thrust with.


Every Vixen Creations toy comes with an unprecedented lifetime warranty. The warranty does not cover misuse, however, so stick to water based lube and take good care of it. You can clean and completely sterilize the Mustang by boiling it in water for 3 minutes.

So just what about the Mustang makes it so awesome?

Well, it’s slight enough that I can use it without warming up, but its shape is immediately stimulating to my G-Spot. Its smooth and cushy head strokes all the right places with just the right amount of pressure.

I figured this toy would leave me wanting something bigger or more filling. But the Mustang is satisfying all on its own. In fact, the Mustang feels better to me than some of its larger siblings. When it’s Mustang time, I don’t want to put it down (take it out? Either way, it can live in there if it likes).

I can thrust with this toy like a maniac. I push quickly on the indented base and thrusting hard with this toy brings me over the edge. It moves with ease and the head glides along my G-Spot slathering it in love and devotion. I don’t have to worry about the 6.5″ length colliding with my cervix, so I can go crazy.


I really enjoyed using the VixSkin Buck, but that toy is a bit too chunky for me to recommend to everyone. The Mustang, on the other hand, is distinct in shape but a good size for a lot of people. Though I’m a big toy enthusiast, this dildo satisfies me.

I think a part of this is because, like Buck, the Mustang gets larger towards the base. Its slender head keeps me G-Spot and thrusting need taken care of, but it feels filling as I’m stretched towards my vaginal opening.

Whatever it is, I approve.

The Takeaway

The Mustang is a toy box staple. It feels exquisite, it leaves me a panting orgasmic mess, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Quite simply, the Mustang is a high quality toy hand crafted by a trustworthy company. I probably won’t shut up about it. No, I’ll be recommending this toy for a long time.



Vixen Creations sent me the VixSkin Mustang in exchange for my honest review. Thanks, Vixen Creations! Be sure to check out their entire line of products here.


HedoVibes Review Round Up #97

IMG_3375-e1433881512678Photo courtesy of Carnal Queen

Welcome to HedoVibes, a collection of reviews and giveaways that were posted in the past week or so from around the web. This is a collection of adult product reviews & contests from real reviewers. If you want to be included in the next edition start with the guidelines, then use the submission form.

Want to read more reviews? Check out HedoVibes for a list of the latest reviews and stellar reviewers. You can also follow on twitter for the latest round ups. HedoVibes is also accepting photo submissions for each edition.












The Jopen L2 Vibrator Review

I’ll be frank: the Jopen L2 is a teeny, tiny dynamo of a vibrator and I love it. In sex toy land, there are two sheriffs in town when it comes to clitoral stimulation. The Tango and the Touch from We-Vibe are two trusted, powerful vibes that a ton of bloggers recommend, myself included.

Jopen Lust 2 Vibrator Review ImageThinking I had my clit needs met, I almost overlooked the L2 from Jopen. I first heard about and handled the Lust Line way back around Christmas.

No patterns? Pretty strong? Small and pin point, but silky smooth to the touch? Yeah, it got my attention, but it almost slipped through the cracks.

I’m really glad it didn’t.

What is it and what is it supposed to do?

The Jopen L2 is a rechargeable external vibe. It’s small, compact, and discreet. And there’s a version available in green!

Jopen L2 Review Product Details

The vibrations of the L2 are pretty strong, especially for no bigger than it is. They’re a bit buzzy (meaning they weaken in intensity just a little when pressure is applied), but altogether pleasing to my clit.

This toy only has incremental speeds. There are no patterns. You hold the button down to rev up the power and the corresponding light on the button tells you how fast you’re going. It flickers on the lower speeds, the flickering gets faster as you go up, and it holds steady light when you’ve reached the highest one. A quick click of the button shuts the toy off.

Its small shape makes for intense, precise stimulation where ever it is applied. The fat little base and curve work together so that it nestles my vulva. It hooks against me and I don’t have to exert a lot of force to keep it where I want.


The L2 is rechargeable and its charging port is secure and steady.  There’s a tiny indentation at the base, so I can’t say with much confidence that it’s completely waterproof. The box says that it is. But over time I know the hole in the silicone will grow larger. It’s definitely fine for cleaning and shower play. I’d just be mindful when submerging it.

The battery doesn’t last terribly long—-but a bit longer than it states on the box. I found that it lasts about 45 min to an hour on high and for longer on the lower settings. The lack of battery life is honestly the only really negative thing I can think to say about this toy.

It goes into travel lock mode each time you charge it. A lot of people panic and think their toys from this line are broken. Fear not! Press the button 3 times in rapid succession—-the light will come on and the toy is unlocked. To lock the toy, say if you’re traveling and want avoid a buzzing bag at the airport, do the same thing.

All things considered, I love this vibrator.

It snuggles into my vulva, hugging it and it’s strong enough to take me where I want to go.

jopen-l2-vibrator-review-2Silicone tends to mute vibrations a little bit, making me miss the zingy sensations of a hard plastic vibrator. The L2 manages to keep the “zing” without losing much power.

Like I do with my Tango, I like to lay this vibrator across my vulva on a particular side to stimulate the legs of the clitoris. It’s intense, leaves me wanting more, and doesn’t take up much room.

Which makes the L2 a great companion to internal penetration. I’m always looking for a new small vibe to use with my many beloved dildos. And this toy is a quite the contender. It’s strong and rechargeable; it doesn’t hog up to much space and is pretty affordable. What else can I say? The L2 actually makes quite a mark for seeming teeny and indistinct.

The Takeaway

At around $50 the L2 leaves a lasting impression. If you’re looking for a clitoral vibe with quite a bit of power, I’d say take a gander at this toy. The only real downfall I see is its lack of battery life. Even still, it lasts as long (sometimes longer) than its more expensive competitors. I’m really glad I didn’t overlook the Jopen L2, and my clit agrees with me.


You can get the Jopen L2 at SheVibe

In Defense of Big Toys: An #AdultSexEdMonth Post

“Is that only for people with loose, floppy vaginas?” she asks. Her upper lip curled into familiar snarl of disgust.

In Defense of Big Toys Education Guide

It’s the Outlaw, it’s always the Outlaw.

I tell her no, that it’s perfectly normal to experiment with girth and length and it won’t ruin you. And I walk away.

I want to change how we talk about big toys.

It shouldn’t have stuck to me, that interaction. There was nothing profound or particularly startling about it. Encounters like that happen all the time. Hell, people who work in shops say things like that. But I came to pride myself on the glaze of neutrality that I cast over my body before my feet hit the shop floor. It’s important to be unmoved, fixed like a rock; to let no one and nothing offend you.

But, hey, even smut slingers get their feelings hurt.

The work of disgust is clingy. We intend for our disgust to stick to things, to people, specifically. We express disgust in hopes of simultaneously changing (or shaming) someone’s behavior and elevating ourselves to a high moral ground.


And if ever there were objects for expressing disgust, big toys would be high on the list.

I get why people think big toys are scary. A lot of that fear, though, can be undone by understanding the myth of the tight pussy. It’s also that our lack of education tells us to just trust things that seem like they could be true. When (if ever) we’re taught about sex, we’re taught that there is only one person who experiences pleasure—-the person doing the penetrating (because in the story there is only penetration to define sex).

So we don’t, as a culture, value sensations that come from experiencing penetration in other ways. So we don’t hear about or even really have a good taxonomy of words to choose from when talking about being penetrated. It’s always passive, it fails to take into account the feeling of expansion, of taking things in.

An older couple thanked me later for my response to the disgusted woman. Listening to me, they said, made them feel safe. We chatted about their new found love of vibrators, handed different tester toys back and forth, and it washed the sticky reminents of disgust right away.

Your Yuk, My Yum

I think it was Coyote Days (the amazing buyer for Good Vibrations) that was the first person I ever heard discuss “yucking my yum” as a concept that happens in the sex toy world. When you work on the floor, this happens a lot.

There Is Pleasure In Expansion And size shaming is a whole other monster inside the storm that is yucking the yums.

So here’s what’s up:

Big Toys that are made of body safe materials like 100% high grade silicone, stainless steel, glass, or wood are perfectly fine to use—when used with lots of lube and lots of warm up.

I love big toys. I love to feel stretched and expanded and pushed. My G-Spot loves being trapped under pressure. I love the time I spend warming up with my favorite toys to get there.

Big Toys are really nothing to be afraid of. They won’t render you loose and they won’t hurt you if you take the proper steps.

“Big” means different things to different people. I consider anything over 1.75″ in diameter to be girthy and anything over 7″ to be lengthy. I recommend starting smaller than you might think. It would just be a real shame if you got something that you can’t use. So check your orifice’s ego.

Tips for Using Large Sex Toys

For a first big toy, I might recommend the Tantus Cush (my review) or Mikey (my review) because although they’re chunkier than average, they are not unreasonably large. If you’re interested in feeling full, but still want something moderate, I’d say either of those toys would do the trick.

Something else to consider is going with a softer material.

Squishy toys are easier to accomodate than rigid ones. With some companies who specialize in big toys like Bad Dragon or Exotic-Erotics you can customize the squish factor. Keep in mind that the longer something is the firmer it needs to be to stand up. Nox the Night Drake by Bad Dragon or the Hippocampus from Exotic-Erotics are both toys that I highly recommend. With these toys you can choose the size the seems right for you (really look at their pictures, though. Even the smallest sizes are bigger than traditional sizes).

VixSkin is another squishy material great for experimenting with girth. If you’ve had some experience and are looking to amp things up even further, the VixSkin Randy is long trusted option. Softer than the Tantus T-Rex and less difficult to use. I gotta say I do love the crazy intensity of the T-Rex. Both are 2.25″ in diameter, so make sure you’ve got what you need to ramp up to them.

The Outlaw didn’t work well for me (as a girth craver) but I think it would work excellent for length.


Seriously, Lube

Lube is your best friend when it comes to big toys and you’ll need lots of it. I use thick lubes—that are of gel consistency because they provide more cushion and don’t run away. There’s nothing worse than getting a huge toy inside you and realizing the lube you’ve used is too thin and you need more.

Sliquid Sassy, Please Gel, and Wicked Toy Love are all thick viscosity lubes that are compatible with silicone toys and ones that I use regularly with big toy play.

Warm Up: Creating a Marathon of Awesome

Warming up is crucial.

I don’t just shove big toys inside of me. Though I championed my vag as a champ after taking the Tantus T-Rex, it took, like, eight other toys to get me there.

It was a marathon of awesome.


Your body needs to adjust and prepare. And hey, it’s more time for pleasure! For warming up I want something easy to use and stimulating—-my top choices: the Alex Noise by BS Atelier, the Tantus Rocket, or the VixSkin Mustang by Vixen Creations.

Some strong clitoral stimulation is also key for making this work for me. An external vibe makes for a wonderful companion on the road to big toys.

The bigger the toy, the more warm up you’ll need and the more incremental sizes to get you there.

A hand is a great warm-up tool—gradually increase the amount of fingers you use: Voila! Warm up!

Create your own marathon of awesome: Set out the lube, line up the toys, pick some particularly stimulating sexy things to do with a partner, and enjoy the ride.

Give Yourself Some Time

You’ll also need some time. Carve out time in your schedule when looking to explore sex toy girth or length. It’ll up the anticipation and give you the time you need to prepare.

Go slowly, don’t “push yourself.” It shouldn’t feel like resistance. Mostly, don’t forget to breathe. Once I’ve inserted the toy I’d like to use, I usually just hold it there and breathe for a while before I start thrusting. Allow your body to adjust. Revel in the sensation of being full.

So, kittens, there’s nothing wrong with big toys. As long as you have what you need and take your time, there’s all sorts of pleasure to be had experimenting with girth or length.



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