Sometimes all the fun you’re having in the bedroom hits a wall. Your various appendages aren’t enough anymore – maybe things have gotten stale, maybe you want to try something new, maybe she wants more going on down there, or for longer. If you’re worried about bringing up the topic of introducing a toy into your sex life, know this: A study of 3,100 people found that being sexually adventurous increased couples’ satisfaction levels, with sex toys being the most satisfying add-on for women. You won’t be selling yourself short; you’ll be helping her out.
And wouldn’t she rather you look out for her in other ways when your arm gets tired? We spoke to the experts on your behalf to get answers on how to introduce sex toys between the sheets. Because it’s probably best not to whip out the 18″-er right away.
1. Start Small
Dr. Vena Ramphal, (PhD), Erotic wellbeing expert and author
“Start with a vibrator. As a first time sex toy they are non-threatening. And the buzzing noise brings a fun sense of novelty that will ease your partner’s nerves.”
2. Focus On Her Pleasure
Rebecca Dakin, the “Great British Sexpert” from Channel 5’s new show Sex Pod
“Communication. Talk about what it is you would like to experiment with and invite your partner to share the experience with you. Focus on her pleasure and try going to a sex shop together, or looking online and letting her choose what she would like to try. It’s good to get one you can both experiment with, for example bullet toys (clitoral stimulators) and vibrators also feel nice on men on the perineum and around the testicle area, sometimes even on the tip of the penis. Buy some lubrication and use lots of it on both of you.”
3. Break Out Of Your Comfort Zone
Juliet Grayson, relationship counsellor and author
“If you’ve never done it before it’s a good idea to talk about it in advance so that both parties are expecting it. It depends how adventurous and experienced the couple is. Often, one partner is more reluctant than another. The way that sex works in a new relationship is that, if you and I were having a sexual relationship, you would basically say ‘Well, I don’t want to do this, this or this’ and I would say ‘Well I don’t want to do that, that or that’ and we’d do whatever was left over. So sex consists of the leftovers after what we both refuse to do.