More and more people of all genders and sexual orientations are using sex toys these days – but to some people, they’re still taboo. There’s a prevailing myth that sex toys are a replacement for, or an upgrade from, human partners, and that your lover enjoying sex toys signals you’re a sexual failure. Not so!
However, as outdated and untrue as these notions might be, some people still cling to them. If your partner is hesitant about sex toys – or if you don’t know how they feel about toys, because you’ve never brought it up – here are some tips for beginning to incorporate toys into your sex life together.
Drop hints to gauge their response. Try watching a movie or TV show with your partner that you know references using toys with partners, like the infamous pegging episode of Broad City or the vibrator origin story depicted in Hysteria. Alternatively, you could bring up a news story or an anecdote about a friend (whether real or made up) that involves using sex toys during partnered sex. Watch how your partner reacts. This can be an easy way to broach this delicate subject without laying it all on the line immediately.
Identify and address their fears. If your partner has specific concerns about sex toy usage – like that a vibrator can “replace” them, will desensitize you, or will make sex feel less intimate – it’s best to discuss those concerns specifically, rather than letting their vague discomfort fester. Your partner will likelier go along with what you want if they feel heard, respected, and understood.
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