Buying a sex toy can be tricky, especially if you’ve never owned one before. Here’s some things to keep in mind.
1) First things first, you must know thyself. Many come to sex toys to fix a problem. There’s nothing wrong with this. I bought my first vibe because I wanted to have orgasms more often. You should remember, however, that while sex toys are great for enhancing one’s sexual experiences, they will not fix you because chances are you aren’t broken in the first place. They will not unlock enlightenment in and of the own right. Sure, they can lead you to a more advanced knowledge of your own body and it’s pleasures, but it’s all really about you. You cannot make a solid sex toy decision unless you first know what kinds of stimulation you like in the first place.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- How do I come?
- What kinds of pressure increase my pleasure?
- Do I prefer clitoral, vulvular, anal, or vaginal/G-spot stimulation? Or some combination of these?
- Avoid pressuring yourself into the belief that one of these types of stimulation is somehow better than another. (I see this happen a lot regarding vaginal orgasms).
It should go without saying that you don’t have to have everything perfectly figured out, but you should be aware of what you want and what you like.
Some ways to get to know yourself a little better:
- I recommend reading erotica or a reliable how to book such as, Best Women’s Erotica from Cleis Press and Betty Dodson’s Sex for One as great beginning points
- Look at your own peep.
- Look at other people’s peeps through some great ethical porn.
- Tristan Taormino’s Guide Series from Vivid Ed is a solid place to start. Great for visual learners, these videos provide viewers with anatomy lessons, reliable information, solid suggestions, and great sex scenes to see it all in action. There’s also a lot of sex toys in them. When shopping for a sex toy, you need to be able to imagine certain sensations without ever having experienced them before. You’ll need to be creative, but sometimes watching them in action on other bodies can be helpful.
2) Be a savvy consumer—-read reviews! (like those you can find here and on my lovely blogroll) The sex toy industry is unregulated, folks, this means that there are some nasty toxic chemicals out there.
- One of the reasons I love Tantus is that they do not pretend to be all pro-pleasure and then slap a lot of disclaimers about “for novelty use only” all over there products. Their toys are all 100% medical grade, body safe silicone, and are ergonomically designed to be used. Read what CEO Metis Black has said about toxic toys here.
- Take your list from my first suggestion to a local, trusted sex shop. There should be someone there who can take this information and help you make a guided choice. If you do not have a trusted sex shop in your area, many have customer service lines you can call to help you. Good Vibes is a trusted, woman centered company, they are my go-to choice.
- Read multiple reviews from multiple reviewers to get a more rounded idea of how the toy works. We all have different relationships to our body (though many of us have similarities as well) and reading multiple perspectives can help you find something that is just right for you.
3) Don’t be afraid to speak up for what you want. I see this happen everyday, just because something is pretty, or has a picture of a happily satisfied woman on the package doesn’t mean that it’s going to be pleasurable for you. Easier said than done, especially as I am a sucker for prints, shiny things, and all things cute.
- Write down what you want. Say it aloud.
- When in a store, ask to see things that catch your eye with batteries in them.
- When you work in a sex shop, you’ve seen it all. A solid associate will not be embarassed by your interests, don’t be afraid of them. They are there to help you!
- Don’t break your budget on the latest technology if you only have a limited amount to spend. Instead go with a high quality toy that, from your reviewer research, has been deemed reliable, body safe, and worth the price point.
To wrap it all up, self-knowledge and some brief research are necessary prerequistes for getting the sex toy that’s right for you.
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