According to data released last year, sex toys are a $15 billion industry, making them more mainstream than ever. While that may be the case, it’s natural to feel a bit daunted by the idea of using a sex toy with your partner—even with toys that have been specifically designed and created for couples to use together.
But the fact is, sex toys can add to both pleasure and intimacy with your partner when you use them together. Here’s how to do that:
Talk about it. Tackle the discussion with your partner from the angle that it’s for both of you—because it is. “To introduce the topic, you can say that you read an interesting article about vibrators and the author made some great points,” says clinical psychologist and sex therapist, Marianne Brandon, Ph.D. “Include the fact that sex toys can help couples ‘spice things up’ and break out of monotonous routines that are nearly inevitable after couples have been together for a while.”
Use a non-threatening toy. You want to start off small. If you already know that your partner has some insecurities about there being a third party in the bedroom, you don’t want to come home with a large phallic vibrator. “To avoid intimidation, it can be good to start with toys that are simple and don’t mimic parts of the body,” says Janet Lieberman, co-founder and CTO of Dame Products. Vibrators come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, so consider sticking with an innocent-looking vibe in a gender-neutral color.
Explain that it’s for both of you. Although sex toys like vibrators are often thought of being just for women, the truth is men can enjoy them, too. Your partner may not realize it yet, but a vibrator against the end of his penis, his scrotum, or his perineum (that ultra sensitive spot between his anus and the base of his penis), can feeling amazing. In fact, Brandon says that vibrators can help significantly for men who struggle with delayed ejaculation. Further proof that sex toys just aren’t for women after all.