She Boppin tagged me to join in on the My Writing Process Blog Tour, featuring various sex bloggers and toy reviewers. It was a real sweet gesture and I’m happy to add my process to the conversation.
First Off: What Am I Working On?
Well, I am always reading. I think I found my groove in book reviews, for a number of reasons, but mainly because they were already something I knew how to do. They engage my theoretical side in a way that I’m still learning how to do with sex toys. Right now, I’m really excited for my review of Melissa Gira Grant’s Playing the Whore: The Work of Sex Work. It’s an important book and it’s one that I think everyone should read. I also just recently added The Smart Girl’s Guide to Privacy to my list, which I think adds to the conversation around the Internet, our privacy and dignity as writers and workers, and to the importance of a sex-positive voice in discourse of Internet privacy. In terms of toys: I’ve got a couple G-Spot toys lined up, including Pop Tops Deluxe G-Spotter Attachment for my beloved Magic Wand Original and Wet For Her Five Jules Medium. I also have an EPIC mega-review post coming up that while is still secret, I’m so pumped. It features a book, a film, a toy, and some tips. I can’t wait for it to go up!
How does my work differ from others of its genre?
Sex blogging is, and should, be very diverse. Having multiple voices on similar subjects is important, particularly when trying to figure out which toy is right for you. Sex toys are expensive and when investing in one, a customer ultimately needs to be able to cross reference how the toys works for a body similar to their own. I try to begin my reviews by asking myself, if I were on the floor of the store, who would I recommend this to? Would I recommend it at all, and if not, then why and how did I arrive at that conclusion? For me, I think, I differ in how I write because of my relationship to it. I envision my blog as being at the intersections of the other types of work I do as an instructor, a scholar, an activist, and on a basic level a writer. I like having the essays I write near the reviews I do and to have those reviews near my more instructional or theoretical pieces and guides. It is the product of many of the different aspects of my life. I want my blog to be critically engaged, to be challenging, but also affirming.
Why do I like what I do?
I like it because it keeps me writing, it keeps me informed on the industry(ies) I study, and it’s rewarding to know that people find what you have to say helpful. I like being able to contribute to the constantly shifting ideas we have about sexuality, technologies, and genders.
But, mainly, I like what I do because it’s awesome. And no matter how stressed, scared, or frustrated I may be in my daily life, I do stop many times a day and think “Yeah, but my life is pretty awesome.”
I had a coworker whose mother loved the Lord, a lot, and did not love what her daughter was doing. When the coworker told her mother about me, my blog, and what not, she said “You know, I think she’s got it all figured out.” It’s probably the best compliment ever. It takes bravery to do what we do, but we make space for each other and there are a lot of rewards (mainly, dildos for days).
How does my writing process work?
On a material sort of level, I generally hand write everything first. This is true not just for the blog, but for academic articles, lectures. etc.
What can I say, I have a thing for pen on paper.
Sometimes my pieces occur sort of stream of consciousness, as a flowing whole, other times I only have scraps or fragments and create a structure from there. My essays have to come for an organic place, they must *dawn* on me, I’ve tried to force them out and it simply doesn’t work.
Despite all my years in higher education, i still can’t edit for shit. I read them out loud. I re-read them out loud. No matter what I do, I still find that I forget the most important words (usually a “not” which often alters the whole argument), misspell the most important of things (usually names), and generally, screw things up.
When I first started doing this (and I still do) I would beat myself up for all of this. I can be quite cruel to myself. Recently, I adopted a mantra I learned from reading Madison Young’s Daddy “Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with others. Be gentle with the world around you.” I’m getting better at this whole thing I think, and I love what I do.
I’m not very good at picking people to tag, it makes me nervous. Consider this an open invitation to sex writers of all makes and models to join the Tour and tell us about your writing process.
Other posts you may be interested in:
- From the Floor: Volume 1
- OhMiBod Lovelife Adventure Review
- Review: Pleasure Works Sidekick
- Review: Pleasure Works Captain
- Review: Exotic-Erotics Hippocampus (Medium)
- The Bratty Bottoms Spanktacular Giveaway Series: Bettie Page “Picture This” Spanking Bat
- Best Sex Writing of the Year Review
- Princess Play: A Fairy Tale Round Up Review
- Peep’s Re-Group Reading Group: Ecstasy is Necessary
- Peep’s Picks: Tantus Thwack, Wham Bam, & Snap Strap